Should I quit...?

[sax5warrior]

I have spring break coming up next week and this is the time where I seriously need to think about things in my life right now. I hate hate hate putting this out in the open for everyone to read but I seriously need every single one of you to help me.

 

Oh yea, don't put things like "its your senior year, its band, band is cool" etc. etc. etc. I want honest opinions. I want the perspective of other Texas Band members on this issue.

 

So I guess just remember to keep it on topic and seriously think about your reply. Before I head back to school, I am going to delete the topic for my privacy.

 

-------------------------

 

So today, Drum Major tryouts were today and I didn't make it...despite an increase to 4. I had already tried out for lots of things in the past and it hasn't gone my way for a long while...well...forever I guess. Band for me has become a job, it isn't as fun as it used to be. Ever since my ex head BD was reassigned, it left the program in shambles. Having to deal with an administration that seems to puts us down whenever we are at our highest moments. I wanted to save my program from going to one of the rising bands to just a plain ole' regular band. I just hate it when my band isn't succeeding. I just hate it. I thought I had the fire going on this year with the old director but all of that was extinguished for this year anyway. What motivated me to try out anyway? Because I thought I could at least contribute into saving my program from going the wrong direction. It doesn't help when 2/3 of my band just plain hates me. I just feel left out in everything. I don't get involved because I know the people wont appreciate my appearance at some things.

 

I guess I'm just ranting, and I don't want to do that. But I would really like everyone's opinion on this. I need to sit down seriously this week and weigh my options. I love my band, I really do. But I hate it when it has to be a job to make it the way it should've been this year. Plus, section leader tryouts are the following week and if I don't make that, then chances are that I am just going to walk away and I don't want to do that. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should stay. I really need help.

Edited March 15, 2008 by sax5warrior

[Xenon]

Wow. There are a lot of things going on here and it seems like you are having problems dealing with everything peaking at once.

 

I hope I'm not making this sound trivial (because it isn't), but it all boils down to happiness. But it isn't just "If you aren't happy in band then quit", it is a matter of if you will really be happier outside of band. There are a lot of things that weigh into this:

 

- You are obviously very involved and committed to band and the music world.

- Will watching it from the outside be ok?

- Would you wish you were there to help if they were doing badly?

- Would you regret not being there if they were doing well?

- The 1st year after a director change is often very rough. It is quite likely that next year will actually work out a lot better and more of the band will likely have better attitudes about the new director.

- What would you do with all of your immense amounts of extra time if you weren't in band?

- You say that 2/3's hate you but (even if this worst case unlikeliness is true) that means that at least 1/3 doesn't and that 1/3 is a large group that can make a large difference in who you are, what you do, and how you feel.

- There are many relationships (I dont just mean bf/gf) that grow from all of the social interaction in a large group activity. Are you willing to reduce the chance of the growth of these relationships?

- etc.

- etc. There are lots more.

 

 

Good things always fall on hard times. No pain, no gain. With my limited amount of knowledge about your situation I would lean towards urging you not to quit band as there is much adventure, growth, and lots more that comes with being in band. I would especially urge you to stay if you aren't going to be replacing band with anything else. But if you do decide on quitting band, I would highly suggest that you find a new activity to join that will have a decent amount of social interaction such as Debate, Theater, some sort of Sport, etc.

[ddmwingz]

I echo everything in Xenon's post. Xenon really hit it on the head.

 

The only thing I would like to add (and it may be some of the same, just said differently, which can help sometimes) is this:

 

You say band has become a job for you, yet you also claim that you really love the band. Anything in life that you love is worth fighting for - and that sounds like the position you are in right now - fighting to keep the band you love so much at the highest level it can be.

 

I don't want to say "quit band" or "stay in", thats definitely only a decision you can make, but you should definitely ask yourself, "Is this worth fighting for? Do I love this band that much?". If you can answer those questions, as well as the ones, that Xenon posed, you will know what to do

 

 

Also, I might add that if you stay in band, if it still isn't going well next year, maybe try lightening up and not taking it so seriously(May be advice that doesnt apply)

 

I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

[Danpod]

One of the huge misconceptions about this activity is that one has to be in a leadership position to make any sort of positive impact on the program. Although this seems like an "extreme" situation, I'm still a firm believer in the contagious nature of positive attitudes and contributions.

 

At the same token, I believe that if you don't have the heart to continue with the activity, that attitude will show in your attitude and performance and you won't help your program the way you want to.

 

I wish you luck, sir.

[the terminator]

I totally understand we all have different reason we're in band. for me, I'm not the best player, but I love the people, the contests, and the fun we have together as a family, and if band isn't fun anymore than go ahead and quit b/c band should be first and foremost for your enjoyment, and I understand that when your unsuccessful it's a lot harder to like it, it's so difficult when u can never do well at contests and such, and watching other bands make finals and take home trophies while your going home at 5 o'clock. I think that's another thing that has kept our band together, that we are quite successful, and it just keeps us working harder

[sax5warrior]

  Xenon said:

- You are obviously very involved and committed to band and the music world.

- Will watching it from the outside be ok?

- Would you wish you were there to help if they were doing badly?

- Would you regret not being there if they were doing well?

- The 1st year after a director change is often very rough. It is quite likely that next year will actually work out a lot better and more of the band will likely have better attitudes about the new director.

- What would you do with all of your immense amounts of extra time if you weren't in band?

- You say that 2/3's hate you but (even if this worst case unlikeliness is true) that means that at least 1/3 doesn't and that 1/3 is a large group that can make a large difference in who you are, what you do, and how you feel.

- There are many relationships (I dont just mean bf/gf) that grow from all of the social interaction in a large group activity. Are you willing to reduce the chance of the growth of these relationships?

 

Well, its been like a roller coaster ride. When I came into this band almost 3 years ago, I came in as an "underdog" of sorts. I was in 3rd band and I just did my business like no other. New experiences, met a lot of new people, and it was amazing seeing what was band all about. Thats when I fell in love with HS football. Thats when I fell in love with my school. The pride, the everything. When I always go to DMI, thats when those feelings of "I want to be out there and show them off" came back and just overwhelmed me. The Area finals thing and putting ourselves in the map was such a good feeling. I was proud. I was proud to talk about my band. Last year, I felt like I was in heaven for some reason. I was in 2nd band and with so many rare Alto Sax solos during concert season, I felt like I was the king of the world. With my killer vibrato, I could kill everyone basically and thats the thing that kept me going, almost winning the "best solo" portion in my trip to Disney World last year was something to be proud of as well as my trips to TSSEC. But then, everything changed, its like it turned black. All of a sudden, it was caos. Its like...I don't know. All of a sudden, the lack of energy of my band just sucked mine out and I felt like I was the only one pushing everyone to keep going. Now I find myself betraying my values and not completing my promise.

 

Thanks everyone so far for the help. I will make my decision next Sunday, because the next day is my schedule registration.

[TRtrumpet]

I understand where you're coming from.

 

I would say not to quit though. I guarantee you'll miss it alot. There's alot of times I want to quit, especially this year. We have a tiny band where no one cares. More than half the people are just in it for the letterman, I'm not to fond of well... lets just say the director at all, we play grade 1 music cause we have 8th graders, we get 3's and 4's, etc. There's just alot of reasons. But I stay cause I have a love for music, and if you have a love for music and what you do everyday in band, then I would say to stay in. Cause chances are, you'll really miss it if you don't.

 

 

Also region/state and solo and ensemble, and just individual stuff you get to do make it worth it.

Edited March 17, 2008 by TRtrumpet

[ClaireAnnette07]

I really do understand how you feel....I tried out for drum major twice and didn't make it. In fact, the 2nd time I auditioned, I was the ONLY one not to make it. It was really embarassing for me, and I just wanted to quit. I didn't think I could handle another year of being in band, especially because our band program was suffering; our head band director went to another school, we had been switched from 4A to 5A, and we had SECTION LEADERS in the band who just didn't even care how we did anymore. The sad thing is, we had done very well in marching and concert competitions before, and I had made the region band my sophomore & junior years...but I wasn't feeling it anymore. I felt as if nothing was going my way, and there was no point in staying in band if I wasn't going to be a music major in college. I also didn't think I would be able to pull off my ultimate dream of making the all-state band on 5A. After talking with my mom, I decided to give it another year...if anything, I would at least have a ton of fun with my friends.

 

In the end, I didn't make All-State (I didn't even advance to area a 3rd year in a row) and we didn't do well at all in marching competition, but I'm glad I stayed in band. It made my senior year that much more special to me because I got to spend my most important band moments with my friends. I mean, nothing beats the feeling you get when you march off the field with your high school band for the last time. Nothing beats playing with your high school band at your high school graduation in your cap and gown, knowing that this would never happen again. I think that without band, I would have had a lonely senior year, and I'm glad I stayed.

 

I know you feel like band may not be worth your time, but I think you should REALLY think about it before getting out of it. Obviously it's a big part of your life, and it'll be very difficult to give up. If you're still not sure by the time you fill out your schedule, it's probably best to put it on your schedule FOR NOW and think about it longer. You should be able to get out of it if you need to. Good luck in your decision!

[sax5warrior]

After 6 days of deep thinking and pondering, I decided to stay for my last hoorah.

 

Basically I read ClaireAnnette07's post the other day and that really hit me in the head, as with all the other replies of course, but hers really did give me a sense of similarity that went on with another person.

 

I want to thank all of you for your help and I am looking forward to a possible one last new start before heading out into new adventures in life.

Edited March 21, 2008 by sax5warrior

[ClaireAnnette07]

I'm glad I could help...I just didn't want you to miss out on possibly the best year of band. Or, at least, i didn't want you to keep asking "What if..?"

 

Good luck!

[the terminator]

I agree and I'm happy u'll stick w/ it, I may not be the most talented, but I love my band the people in it, and especially the fun we have, and although at times I felt band sucks, and wanted to quit the people drew me in more and more to the point quiting would be the dumbest thing I could have done. Also, who knows maybe if u guys are lucky u can make area finals again I mean u do have one more shot left

[HashBrownJM]

  sax5warrior said:

After 6 days of deep thinking and pondering, I decided to stay for my last hoorah.

 

Basically I read ClaireAnnette07's post the other day and that really hit me in the head, as with all the other replies of course, but hers really did give me a sense of similarity that went on with another person.

 

I want to thank all of you for your help and I am looking forward to a possible one last new start before heading out into new adventures in life.

 

Good call, my man. I've been where you're at, but it's worth it, if you make it worth it. Ignore the excuses or the reasons, just find the one thing that really made you happy (for me it was the competitions) and ride the wave from show to show or whatever to keep you in the game.

 

Plus, it's super helpful to have an instrument to practice (but I think you probably own your own instrument) so I can't use that as a good reason.